Friends
In the midst of despair is primarily when friendship counts most. The presence of those you can count on is what drives many to continue in the hardest of times; the active involvement of such people even more so. And yet, how rare it is to have such connections in one’s life. It is hard to find individuals who remain by your side through your own misdemeanors or coldness.
We were joined this summer by some very close family friends of ours. Flying in from the States, they had to battle against the time shift during the two weeks they stayed, both supporting us in our ministry and sharing themselves and their own testimonies to the congregation. During this time, the aspect of friendship made itself known to me; they didn’t have to make the five-day travel all the way to Ukraine, through foreign languages and distant customs, but they did. To support the people they called friends.
I myself have always wondered if it would just be better to remain isolated completely. Such separation negates the presence of heartache or even—dare I say, especially—loneliness. For loneliness is only a feeling of the unwanted absence of something. If I were to remove myself by my own hand from such situations, then the absence of others in my life couldn’t be unwanted, right?
And it does work. Self-imposed coldness and isolation work, especially when one wills it to. It produces a sense of control over the complexity of relationships, shielding us from rejection and disappointment. But it is not something that produces fondness or joy.
Isolation is a hollow kind of safety. While it may protect us from heartbreak, it also robs us of the possibility for connection, understanding, and hope. It keeps us from the moments of shared laughter and quiet support that make life worth living. Loneliness born of isolation may feel less painful, but it leaves us with a barren existence—one devoid of love or growth.
Friendship, on the other hand, requires courage. It demands vulnerability and the willingness to accept imperfection in both others and ourselves. It is not easy; it is often messy and sometimes painful. Yet it is precisely through these struggles that we find the deepest and most rewarding parts of life.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
